Please Don't Make Me Feel Like its My Fault

Please don't come in, please dont sit down, no no please don't take off your shoes, please don't get comfortable, please don't stay--I am afraid you won't leave.

Its not that I don't love you, Its not that I don't appreciate you--its just I've grown. Its just that I do not want to be babied, I don't want to be touched, I don't need to sit in your lap right now. I know it seems like I only need you when I am upset but people grow older and they don't need as much help. When I need you I know you are there to help, but don't get mad if I don't need help.

When you help too much and control too much then I start to fear it. I start  to look for ways to block it. The attention--I just don't want it anymore. I shouldn't need to be a baby to show you I appreciate you or I love you.

Thing is....I shouldn't have to walk around on my tippy-toes trying to avoid upsetting you or jump around trying to prevent something which will upset you. I just need a little bit of space. Hopefully you will forget tomorrow that you were walking around tonight. Hopefully tomorrow you will forget you kept getting out of bed and you had been home for at least 30 minutes and were still in your dress after going to bed. Hopefully you forget tomorrow the door slamming and scaring the living daylights out of me. Hopefully tomorrow you will forget wandering into the hallway and coming into my room (after I had been secretly praying you wouldnt because I was just ready to be in my space and relax not because I do not love you because I wasn't in the mood and everyone is entitled to that) and being upset because I was confused as to why you were still up and because I was not in the mood to figure out what the proper response to your statements was. "Your toes look nice" "thanks" what else is there to say? It is 11pm and I am exhausted and you are acting different. Hopefully you forget, or maybe you forgot already, or maybe you won't...I dont know...and  Im not sure I care because I am not sure it matters.

I just don't want you to get upset for little things that you shouldn't. I just want you to stop taking it personally when I am just living my life, you have another life too and I am entitled to my own as well.

What do you do when....

...you are ready to walk, when you know that what you've got is the best there will ever be for you...when the impossible becomes your reality.

I played around with the idea of being single for a long time after my last breakup. This, this just happened, how, I have no clue, alright maybe a small idea of how. I wanted to be strong, independent and carefree but somehow I love this. I love being his, I love being in his arms, on his arm, holding his hand, on his lap, on his back, in his lap, and in his life.

Its a scary thing when you have someone's heart in your hands because you know the more you open up to him, the more he opens up to you, and the more it will hurt if something happens. But if you're both happy, then its perfect, I am happy.

Is it weird I never really dreamed of my wedding, as a kid I mean; everyone thinks that every little girl is dreaming of that day forever and ever, but I don't think I have ever done it more than now. A beautiful dress, my family, his family, and a beautiful future....I know I can't rush things but its wonderful to dream-- it is a wonderful dream.

I am scared
I am happy
I am in love