Have you ever thought about what it would be like to not have feelings? Feelings are truly what make us human. If we did not know sadness, joy and happiness and success would not feel as gratifying. But its those times when you feel like getting hit by a semi truck might feel better when I really wonder how nice it would be to not have feelings.
In general, I think I am overly emotional about most things and definitely way too analytical. For a while I thought I could never be happy with anyone because there was always something in the background telling me it wouldn't work, or maybe there is something better out there. I felt like I chronically screwed everyone else over because I would back out of relationships or wake up one day and realize I wasn't happy and needed to get out of the relationship. But lately, since I grew up a little bit, I realized that I need to try. Somehow when I made this decision I have chronically gotten the short end of everything. I don't mean to blame it on the other person, but somehow, I let myself trust people that hurt me in the end. I let myself believe that things were leading to a good place but they always left me heartbroken. Whether one day someone just decided to stop talking to me when a couple weeks before they said they never thought they could feel that way about someone or someone decides to take me out and make me feel special but then stop talking to me. Or theres that time when I fell hard and then it didn't work out because it was the wrong time in his life--that took quite some time to get over. And now, theres the time when I took my walls down and then someone completely rips the floor out from under my feet and I find out they've been talking to other girls and kissed another girl at the bar. Granted we "said" we were not committed and could talk to other people--but what you say and how you act is a bit different. Guys, please don't make a girl feel like she is your plan A, B and C if she is only your plan A and you have B, C, and god knows how many other girls lined up too. Guys should come with a freaking warning label, because sometimes they act like they want to be there for you and tell you they would never hurt you...and then they act confused when you get mad they've been talking to someone else all day every day.
When you said you couldn't hang out with me...was it because you wanted to hang out with other girls or was it because you didn't want to go that long without texting them?
When you told me we didn't have to do this and could just be friends...it wasn't because you were concerned about my feelings was it? It was to make yourself feel less guilty...to CYA for when I found out there were other girls
When you told me I was special and you liked me more than other girls and you didn't hook up with them...I guess you thought that texting someone to meet you at the bar and then kissing them was treating them like they were nothing special
I guess you can do anything you want when you're drunk...because thats a great excuse. Its weird because you told me you were honest when you were drunk...so if thats what you wanted when you are drunk...then by all means don't waste your time with me when you are sober if thats not what you want.
Don't tell me I am special, Don't tell me I am pretty, Don't tell me you like me or really like me or really really like me. Don't tell me you get sad when we don't talk for a little while. Don't tell me you'll never break my heart. Don't tell me you want to take me out and pay for me. Don't tell me you get jealous of other guys. Don't tell me you care. I would rather you didn't
