How am I supposed to choose between my best guy friend and the guy I've fallen for? Yes he was his friend, I admit thats a little messed up, but he encouraged it, and didn't seem to show he had a huge issue with us talking. I never meant to upset my friend, but I can't really help how I feel or interact with a specific person. I feel like I'm screwed now.
(a) I choose my best friend over my new interest: he probably won't be too accepting of me at this point and then I lose something thats really making me happy and someone I have really great chemistry with
(b) I choose my new interest over my best friend: I could mess up their friendship and my friendship is definitely lost which will make it awkward if something comes out of this and they live together and I could lose all my guy friends with him. (Hopefully he will chill out---but he can be kinda stubborn)
(c) I choose neither and go lay in the middle of the quad by myself trying to figure out how I managed to screw things up so much
maybe hoping someone would come
but not sure how good that would be, because then I have to make a decision
and if not, then I lost a couple of my best friends here
the ones I was so happy to have and valued so much
"What does it take to make a journey? A place to start, something to leave behind...we might imagine a journey with no destination, nothing but the act of going, and with never an arrival. But I think we would always hope to find something or someone, however unexpected and unprepared for" (John Haines)
Maybe I need to go on a journey now. Starting walking out of my dorm right now, leaving behind these relations I've developed and been so strengthened by---I have no idea where I will go or where I will end up---but maybe a journey is what I need. Yes I would always hope to find something or someone. But I always mess everything up-- or so it seems.
I don't want to give this up--It will be very painful
I don't want to lose my friend--It will be extremely painful
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